Sometimes I wonder what I was doing before I met my wife, I assume much in the same way that blind people wonder what the big deal about color is. A perfect example of this is Christmas, a holiday that was huge with me until I was about 11; promptly the time that it became less about the presents and more about playing video games and not going to school. Seemingly on the other side of the state was Veronica who truly believed that this was the time of year when magic could happen, and that success was based on how many stockings were received.
I have extemporized in the past about how hard it is to shop for my wife, as most things that she enjoys seems to be a random collection of adjectives and verbs without the gift of nouns, every year it seems to be a little more difficult to find a “practice boiling” thing than the year before. The worst part, as mentioned before, is that she measures how well I did by how full her stocking is—extra points if there are multiple ones. So now not only do I need to come up with a “wise accomplish”, it also needs to be small enough that I can cram it into whatever leggings that she decided should be used this year.
Once again this is one of the many times that I became infinitely grateful for my wife’s best friend in the entire universe, Kiana. Having her cellphone number means that shopping for my wife is less a grab bag of unfortunate choices and more of a game of hot and cold. While the only serious back and forth we ended up having the this year was about what kind of water bottle to buy, I am surprised as the next person that there are choices, the rest of the time it sort of felt like just having someone there to tell me how wonderful and interesting my choices where. I don’t know if it is upsetting that I am starting to learn to pick out a present for Veronica, or if it just means that I understand people with a short attention span way better.
Another addition to the season that I was unaware of was crafting; not that I didn’t know it was part of the prep for the holiday, but the amount of post-Christmas projects that Veronica seems entirely able to come up with at the drop of a hat is nothing less than inspiring. Although only inspiring in the same way that a child unrolling all of the toilet paper and putting in the center of the room to see what it looks like is inspiring. Never before have I seen a person so excited about an event that they need a set amount of time to wind down afterwards as well. I am sure there is some mathematical term that would describe this perfectly, but I never claimed this blog was clever.
Veronica’s big idea for a present this year was a juicer so that her and I could eat/drink healthier throughout the year. This, in and of itself, is a noble endeavor as I am pretty sure the only people in the world who could do to eat less healthy enjoy the word tofu and/or are my brother and cousin Laura (eat some meat Laura). All I know is that the most important thing that anyone did with the device before my wife went home was my father attacking it with horseradish. He seemed to think that was a good time. Disclaimer: he also thinks mowing the yard is a good time.