Pennsylvania State Renaissance Faire

So Veronica and I were a little excited about going to a Ren-Faire, so much so that we drove through the entire night before just to make sure that we would get to it nice and early in the morning, get good parking and start drinking really early.

It turns out that beer was five dollars for half a glass.  Also that it was disappointing.

Pay for the disappointment!

That first thing that we saw when we got into the Faire was the above pictured ride called “Crow’s Nest”.   When we got there it was simply a bucket with ropes on it and a sign that stated it would be three dollars a person to ride it.  Looking forward to being drunk shortly and making made monetary investments in things I naturally waited to see what the ride did. 

Once the ride seemed to attract all of the dopes that would pay to climb into an unknown bucket two men appeared and started to walk it around in circles, thus twisting the rope.  At a good height they both let go and the bucket proceeded to spin as the rope came undone.  One of the men simply shouted “That is what it does, get in line!” Which we quickly found out was going to be the mantra for the rest of the day.

 She totally called me on the penis reference joke

That isn’t to say that we didn’t find a Bluth Banana stand and down a couple of those.  I guess the point that we learned from the entire thing is that the food at a Renaissance Faire is really good, but if you are looking for things that resemble the Renaissance, such as period dress, interactions with people, entertainment, a surf class, or witch burns you clearly shouldn’t going to the Pennsylvania state one.  They don’t even let you get drunk there.

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I guess the really important thing to point out is that you got a discount if you showed up in period garb (which is funny because it was less than the AAA discount that we got and we got to keep our pride).  Seeing as what they let in under the assumption of “period” and “garb” led me to believe that most of the people working the place just didn’t really care about the job any longer.  I mean, really, there was a guy dressed like Link from Legend of Zelda that was walking around.  That isn’t from the Renaissance that is from a video game.  They are two bland cos-play tastes that don’t belong in the same mixing bowl.

Nothing about this was right, at all.

Also it is important to point out that it seemed that any idea that came from anyone on the staff must have been accepted as we ran across both the most frightening and poorly organized street bellying dancing ever.  I don’t even know how to begin to describe the entire scene.

First off, I am not saying that fat people aren’t people.  I am just saying that we (as I happen to be one) shouldn’t walk around showing our excessive rolls to passersby, mainly because it is eight kinds of unsettling.  This wasn’t helped at all by the fact that the other visible dancer was tattooed, literally, from head to toe.

Second: If you are going to be in a group and dance with other people do so with them, don’t hide so when people try to walk around the train crash crowd that is watching they get the hebe jebes thinking that you are going to attack them and eat their skull.  While the picture might make it look like there is only one other dancer kind of zoning out, get to that in a second, and not dancing there were literally two other people randomly placed ten feet away also dancing.  Which leads to part three:

Your guess is as good as mine

I am pretty sure that most of the staff was on some really powerful drugs while they were working. 

What? A yum factor of 9000?!

That isn’t to say that I didn’t end up finding the place that sold massive turkey legs , because that was a plus as well.

The funny thing is that Veronica had been so excited about the Ren-Faire that she had gotten a two night stay at the hotel when we checked in.  Right after I got a turkey leg, about four hours into the day with 6 left to go, I calmly looked at her and asked if we could leave.  It was one of her honest and heartfelt laughs that she gives instead of saying “Thank God!  We can leave!”

Comments 2

  • The belly dancers were scary. Thank God you didn’t get too close and have to join the drug induced staff. That is probally the only way they can get new help.

  • Figures you were in PA while I was out of state. PA booze laws = terrible, Ren Faire pics = awesome