Naples, the city of crime/pirates

On the way out the door we are encouraged: [not an exact quote, but pretty close] Naples is a wonderful city, one of the most densely populated in all of Italy, and there is a lot of shopping that we can partake in at anytime. Oh, also, keep everything you own very close to you or you are going to be pick-pocketed. No, really, don’t act like a moron of they will take your money. Words to live by.

Upon arrival one of my many theories of travel is proven true, in Europe history is everywhere, not just a place some guys signed a piece of paper 200 years ago, everywhere. Hence, a giant freakin’ castle sitting in the middle of a city; more on that later.

As long as I am talking about sweeping stereotypes that are only true in my own little delusional mind, I really need to stress the point that everyone in Italy is insane. In America we are bred to fear cars, dread the very fact that one of them might possibly come near you and take off your face, or strike you with a form of vengeance normally reserved for the gods of Olympus. So with all of my American training it is interesting that everyone in Italy seems happy to cross a busy street whenever they feel like it, and taking into consideration that everyone in Italy drives like they are running drugs for the mafia I would rank these people some of the bravest in the world.


With bravery being discussed at length, it is important to note that even the animals here seem more then willing to have a complete disregard for common sense. Dogs are more then happy to cross the road at any time. Veronica expressed her concern at seeing this the first time, and I was quick to remark, “don’t worry, it is an Italian dog, it will be fine.” And indeed he was.


On a side note: I have already discussed my vices at length, it should be noted that Veronica is a smoker, a vice that can be practiced anywhere in the world. You just walk into a store that has a sign that says something that looks close to “tobacco” or “cigarettes” or says “lotto” (which strangely always translates to “lotto”) anywhere—I guess it is important to smoke directly after losing money. Because of this we are getting very good at buying things in places we don’t speak their form of communication, you point and smile, they hold up how many fingers it will take in money to have it, and you pay them. Simple.

Side note to a side note: It seems common to have a vending machine that sells condoms, rolling paper, and lighters. I guess everyone is up for a good night in Italy.

At one point during our adventure through crime city, Italy, fate decided that it was our fate for the skies to open and weep giant tears of sorrow on us. Giant, giant globs of rain, and lots of them, all over the place. As the soaking started every single being in the town ran for cover, any that we could find. For everyone else in the vast metropolis it seemed common sense to find their way into a coffee house or pub, not for Veronica and I. We found the first overhanging anything and hoped for the best.

The arche were we hide

This choice forced us into some kind of strange stand off with every single street vendor in the entire area. Having naturally ousted themselves from the standard stores with their calls of bargain, look-a-like wares and their desire to keep themselves and their goods dry they found themselves under the same archway that we did, and many other tourists. Their eyes glimmered at the chance to sell us things, yet they did not take it. Soon the wind picked up and it began to rain sideways. Yes, sideways.


Veronica and I decided that since we were on an adventure it was allowed to become wet, and also because a vendor selling umbrellas had appeared and would not leave us be. This was a good thing, because it forced us to some really good shots of the castle of Naples that I will now force you all to be annoyed with.


Henry Rollins once said that you get a greater sense of history when you travel to Europe and the adjoining countries, mainly because being an America your sense of history is 20 years ago when a Starbucks was built in your town.


In Europe they have paintings of when it was still cool to stab people in the side with a spear, probably some kind of extreme sport. Probably took place well before people started screaming “extreme” while doing extreme things.


Also the castle seemed to have a giant helmet, possibly in the rare instance that a giant was needed on the battlefield, they were able to supply him some kind of shielding.

This would also mark the first day that a pirate ship started tailing us. It wouldn’t be seen again for 2 days, but it would appear again. I think they want our gold, or possibly doubloons. This is bad because I have neither. One of our party was pick-pocketed as well. I am worried.

Why to come back tomorrow:


Aragon, are you in there?

Comments 2

  • Finally, an article I can understand. Wonderful pictures. Of course Aragon was in there. You have an inmagination don’t you? I can see him with his Lady and their son.

  • I lub the pictures.
    not too much is going on in america since you left
    only 5 things
    1. Velauriea has turned one year old!
    2. paris hilton has been sent to a death camp and is going to be pulled apart by 2 fat hungry lesboz.
    3. amazons are attacking in the DCU and it fuckin rocks!
    4. laurie and I are having a very hard time finding a place to move to
    5. Jesus stoped by and says he loves you but you owe him 5 bucks!

    I miss ya cuz when you are around the mundane plattsburgh life has more boobs and beer (I miss your boobs)
    tell yer lady I say high