I don’t know where these came from, my guess is either Veronica or my mother, so I can’t really assign credit/blame for this to any one person. I do know that they were intended for me, seeing as how Video Game candy is pretty much one of the few things that you can buy a nerd at any point and they will get some kind of enjoyment out of it—sort of like giving my brother caffeine or five free minutes of life. I do know that I have had them before and that they were entirely unimpressive.
There are two things that I have learned from looking at the outside packaging, the first and most important is that Donkey Kong does not approve of any of the fun that the other characters are having. He looks like he is standing in silent judgment about something, all I know is that is the look that I give Veronica when she dragged me to a party under false pretenses of it being a good time. The second thing that I know is that peanuts are not allowed anywhere near this packaging, possibly to keep Donkey Kong judging us, but more likely because children of the future won’t be allowed to eat anything that anyone could ever be allergic too. I am glad that I grew up when I did so child protective services weren’t called when my Grandfather tried to pay us a quarter to play in traffic.
The candies come in two choices, gummy and hard sugar things. The gummy ones are amazingly slimy, which is good because when I eat something I want it to bring to mind the word “extruding”. Also, and possibly more important than the gelatin feeling like the worms that I have always secretly thought it was made out of, I need to point out that it kind of feels like there is a thin sheet of plastic on the outside of each one of them every time I bite into one. I think it is nice that Nintendo wants us to have a full range of emotion while eating snacks.
The hard candies are kind of like Smarties that have gone stale, in much the same way that I am sure that rocks are formed from croutons that have become a little too old. In much the same vein as other, small, mainly sugar treats, there really isn’t any flavor to be had while eating them. Although on further thought I don’t know that I want flavor seeing as how I only eat these as the purposes is to put pure sucrose in my body; I don’t want my taste buds confusing facts.
My wife puts up with a lot. I bring that up because my main means of opening this package was to explode it like a child opening a bag of chips, but more comically. The only thing that she ever said was, “now when I come home I want all of this put away,” which is pretty funny because it was kind of the same tone that I use on her when I tell her she has to be an adult and go to work—because God knows that I am not going to.
The beauty of writing about stuff that happened about half a week ago is that it allows time to forget things, mainly that I can’t remember if I put everything away in the measuring container as a passive aggressive move or because I thought I was being cute. Either way they have kind of found a home there and haven’t been moved, aside from the ones that have been eaten, since they were put there. I am pretty sure that Veronica is just happy enough that I listened to her and put my toys away for once.