The Taste of Barf

I do understand that this post is rather later than I was hoping to put it up, but after you see the pain and suffering that I went through hopefully you will understand.  I think that there might have been a mental block in place until I could find something good and weird to talk about, and I found that in the white Mountain Dew.  Keep in mind that this pretty much tastes exactly like the normal stuff, just with the milky color of someone’s eyes who has  long since gone blind.  Also that is the highlight of this post.

The cup says that it is wanton flavored, this raises two issues: 1 what is the flavor of a wanton.  Not like the meat in it, the wanton itself. 2 There are no pictures of wantons on the entire package, and while I know that you can have shrimp wanton, that has nothing to do with wanton flavoring. Basically the cup itself raises all kinds of questions that, in my mind, means that it will be interesting to write about.

So it turns out that this ramen not only comes with three packets of flavoring, but it also has a fork.  This just proves that I know as much about ramen as the movie “What women want,” knows about the properties of electricity.  The cup is pretty cool because it comes with a resealable plastic top with a vent hole in it.  I found out pretty quickly that while this does help the noodles cook it also keeps the boiling water boiling.  I didn’t really worry about eating shrimp flavored anything, but was more worried that there was a seemingly giant packet of oil that needed to be dumped in as well.  I don’t know why that bothered me, as the packet labeled “prawn flavor” was about three times as big.

Besides burning the inside of my mouth for the next three days due to the painfully heat keeping in design, which was the highlight of the experience, the entire thing was terrible.  It had seaweed in it that was both flavorless and had the consistency of chewing on a jelly fish.   The “prawn flavoring” was pretty much the only thing that I could taste, and for the first two bites that wasn’t bad, although after that I wanted to die.  This is the first chunk of ramen I have ever thrown away after making.

Please note that tofu is spelled wrong on the package.

When Veronica and I walked out of the Asian food mart the lady behind the counter handed us these to(w)fu cakes.  I don’t know if she noticed that we where buying the weirdest stuff in the store and wanted to add something else, or she just hated us.  I have been putting off trying these for lots of reasons, although the only one that really matters is that I wasn’t sure that if it was dog food.  After trying them I am still not convinced.

First off they are hard as a rock.  Nothing that says cake on it should ever be hard.  That is grounds for lying.  No one likes a liar, and these “cakes” are just that.

Secondly a fraction of a bite and tried not to act like they where the worst thing I have ever eaten.  Why?  Because I wanted to take pictures of Stark eating them.

Thirdly Stark has claimed for years that if tofu entered his body he would melt.  He said this before I forced him to eat one, as he had many times before,  and then  almost vomited up his triple whopper from BK.  This is also the person who the last time I fed a terrible “candy type” product to took a second bite on the grounds that “I thought, ‘well it can’t get worse’.”  He was also wrong about that.

Comments 4